Just Below the Surface

just below the surface…

     Appearances can be very deceiving.  I captured this image (left) on a recent flight into LAX.  Based on what is visible, one would have no way of knowing this is a photo of Los Angeles, CA.  Approximately 30 seconds after taking this photo, my plane passed through the thin layer of clouds.  I could see clearly the landscape of Los Angeles to my right and the Pacific Ocean to my left.  It is amazing what can exist just below the surface.

     I find the same to be true about people.  On the surface life appears to be intact.  Successful career, nice house, attractive family, plenty of everything – that’s what others perceive.  However, just below the surface…

Broken relationships, fear of being discovered, haunting memories that invade the present, loneliness, insecurity – these are just the tip of the iceburg. 

     Consider children.  They feel pressure to maintain the appearance that all is well, but just below the surface is their reality.  They don’t measure up, they are yelled at, they fear rejection, they get in the way, they feel alone, they are abused – and if they dare speak the truth…

     The appearance is much more attractive, but we were not created to maintain an appearance.  We were created to be authentic.  Authenticity requires a willingness to look below the surface and face reality.  It is often unpleasant, especially with regard to self, and requires courage a warrior would envy.

     Are you willing to go there?  Are you willing to honestly look at what is just below the surface in your life?

You can learn a lot about sex…in a freezer

It comes in a variety of flavors...but it's still ice cream.

(This post is a brief sample of a chapter from a book I am writing.  I hope you like the concept!)

I am amazed at the variety of places and objects that illustrate truth about sex.  Tonight I went to Braum’s to pick up some ice cream for my wife, Holly.  (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)  There must have been 30 different flavors in the row of freezers I looked through.  My eyes were drawn to the Brownie Batter because that is the one I knew Holly would want.  Then I noticed the Peanut Butter Cup, and the Snickers, and the Peppermint, etc.  Let’s just say I walked out of the store with more than the Brownie Batter!

As I hovered over the row of freezers, envisioning a spoonful of chocolate Cake Batter finding its way into my mouth and wondering how upset Holly would be if I blew the whole bill in my pocket on ice cream (I bet old Ben liked ice cream too), I realized you can learn a lot about sex in a freezer!

Chocolate, Cookie Dough, Strawberry Shortcake, Mint Chocolate Chip, Peanut Butter Pretzel, even Vanilla, they are all variations of the same thing, ice cream.  No matter what the type, it is still ice cream.

It’s the same way with sex.  Fantasy sex, solo sex, cyber sex, text sex, oral sex, “true sex,” call it what you want, it’s all still sex.  The brain and the body respond the same way regardless of the type.

We live in a culture that tells our children, “It’s not really sex.”  Perhaps every parent should take their children on an outing to an ice cream shop.  After all, you can learn a lot about sex in a freezer.

Share Truth About Sex at Early Age

Start conversation about sexuality early with your children.

I had breakfast today at Poor Richard’s Cafe with Dan Martin, Executive Director of the Dallas office of the National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families.  I imagine our conversation was a bit different than the other conversations taking place.  Between bites of pancakes and bacon, surrounded by the drivers of the 42 pick-up trucks in the parking lot, we made introductions and talked about the topic we both work to promote, God’s vision for sexuality.

As I learned more about the NCPCF, I was appreciative of the fact that they encourage parents to begin dialogue about sexuality while children are very young, age 3 or so. I share that perspective.  If parents would begin conversations with their children at an early age and continue the conversations, the need for intervention during teen years would likely be much less.

A few months ago I was introduced to a new book by Jim Burns that provides a great tool to begin teaching children about sexuality.  God Made Your Body is designed for children ages 3-5 and filled with appropriate, vivid pictures that bring the book to life.

In his “Special Note to Parents” at the front of the book, Jim shares the following:  ”At this age, it’s important to introduce children to the foundational theme that God created their body and it is special.  You begin laying out for them a healthy view of their body and the very basics of sexuality.  As you read this book to them, you will be establishing the trust that they can come to you when they are older to talk about these issues.”

Great encouragement!  Give the gift that will last a lifetime.  Start conversation about sexuality early with your children.

Introduction

Steve and Baby Ruth

Hello.  My name is Steve Holladay.  I am the father of 4 children, am married to my wife of 18 years, and live near Dallas, TX.  My house is also home to 2 rottweilers, Baby Ruth and Little Texas.  I enjoy a good steak and am very fond of chocolate in almost any form. 

In many ways I’m not much different than most people.   I enjoy spending time with friends.  I try to do more than time will permit.  I juggle responsibilities of marriage, fatherhood, work, and ministry, and sometimes find myself off-balance in the process.  I experience financial challenges, struggle with doing the right thing, want to be liked, and sometimes wonder what if…

In other ways I’m somewhat unique.  I was on the loosing end of a battle with sexual addiction from childhood until age 33.  I am 7 years into my recovery and am greatful to God for leading me in the healing process.  I am frequently invited into the lives of others seeking help for issues related to sexuality.  I walk with people as they visit very difficult pieces of their life.  These experiences provide me with an uncommon perspective on the subject of sexuality.

God’s gift of sexuality, intended to be a source of pleasure, mystery, intimacy, and security, has been distorted in this fallen world and robbed of its true value.  For many, sex is viewed as dirty, shameful, secretive, hurtful, and empty.  I’ve lived both.  I value the former and regret the latter.

I hope you will find the insights I share in this blog of value.  I envision that some posts will be educational, some inspirational, and some down right humorous.  Sometimes I’ll share information, other times I’ll share myself.  I invite you to share as well.